I Just Want to be Kind
I finally worked up the willpower to run this morning. I am not asking you for a pat on the back although, deep inside I am definitely celebrating my tiny victory. This personal achievement to get on track to physical fitness is long overdue. You see, I had high hopes for the New Year (not that it would ever be too late to turn a new leaf), but I simply could not get myself to start my journey into being Miss Perfect on January 1st.
My excuse? For the entire first month of 2018, I felt like my family needed me to shake-off their holiday hangover. But the reality was, they didn’t need my help. They all got their grooves back and caught-on to their routines after only a couple of days. Turned out, it was me who needed the motivation and discipline.
We are 6 weeks into the new year and I have published two entries on my blog. A couple of readers had asked when I would update my website again. I laughed and blamed my life with kids and told them I was working on some pretty juicy confessions. The intention to work towards my own self-growth is always there, but I seem to have the attention span of a gerbil. I can never commit to a single thing, especially if that thing is for me. How much longer do you think I can blame my kids for eating all my time?
We are wrapping-up the first week of February, and Miss Perfect is ready to make her debut in time for Chinese New Year! See, we do get second chances! Truth be told, in 48 hours I will probably be distracted by something shiny and find yet another excuse to slack off. But, I intend to make this year different.
We already survived the first 40 days of the year, yet I am still nursing a slight hangover about the holiday that was. 2017, in many ways was so memorable for me - it was a time when I opened myself up to new friendships and rekindled old ones. It was a year of creativity, self-discovery and expression. These experiences inspired me to face the 2018 with gentle acceptance; to understand my limitations as a human being and to be more open to my shortcomings as a mother, wife and friend.
Do you believe that every word we release into the universe has the power to impact our destiny? As cliché as it sounds, “We have the power to control our fate…” All we have to do is say it.
In the beginning, the thought of this really freaked me out. Especially because I would repeatedly tell myself I was never good enough for so many things. I had always kept my goals personal. I even kept them from Frank because I did not want to disappoint him if I could not follow through. I suppressed my dreams for so long that I forgot what goals I wanted to accomplish for myself. I was too afraid to share my ideas with others because if I faltered, it would be a solid reflection on my character.
This time is different. No judgement. No demands. Just gentle acceptance and baby steps to small victories. "A" for effort.
I listed two affirmations I intend to release into the cyber universe. This exercise will allow me to look back on my goals and make me accountable for my words as I work toward leading a more present life with a stronger and healthier spiritual mindset.
I wake up in a jolt most mornings with a toddler’s foot landed straight on my face. The rude awakening is not exactly conducive to Zen mornings. I do not check my nose for blood, then think of making the sign of the cross in gratitude. I do however, have a few moments to spare after the kids are dropped at school, to reflect and be still with my thoughts. The struggle comes from the discipline to remember to set time in reflection to these thoughts. Being present is a major struggle; a mental struggle and it is real - realer than a workout with a hangover with 4 hours of interrupted sleep.
I also wish to be more present for my kids. I am a stay-at-home-mom, but those who are too might agree that the novelty of being a house-mum wears off oh, probably after the first year of raising your first child. Yes, I sit in the same room for hours with my toddlers. I could be on the floor, building a tower with Legos, but my mind is hardly ever in the moment, it is working at lightning speed, thinking of all the things I did not do yesterday and the things that need planning for next week, not to mention my busy little thumbs scrolling down Instagram satisfying my personal FOMO because, we obviously need to keep tabs on other people’s lives. “We can place our own aside for now, thank you very much!”
*insert eye roll*
I am guilty as charged!
This year I promise that when I sit with my kids, I will sit and be with my kids. I will ask questions, listen to their answers and really open my heart to understanding baby babble. Time is running out, and it is just a matter of time until they grow out of littleness. I do not have much longer and no amount of likes on Instagram can ever replace a solid, uninterrupted half hour of being present with my family.
Just 3 times? Why not 5? Hey, baby steps! I want to set realistic expectations. This is hard. But, not just for me. I have come to realise that it is also a struggle for many. Perhaps, it explains the number of people we follow on social media sharing their victories being at the gym. Why is it so hard to be kind to our bodies? Once I finally work up the will power to throw my excuses out the window, exercise will grow to be second nature once more. The rush after the burn and the resistance I gain after only a few days of work. I am a better mom when I am able to work out. Not to mention the increase in my libido, which in turn makes me a better wife? Oops, #TMI?
On a serious note, exercise boosts a major increase in my energy levels and makes me stronger so I am able to accomplish more throughout my day. In turn, exercise provides the obvious benefits but also poses to be healthy for those around me too. Well, because when I'm happy, "Mom doesn't go into beast mode" and that puts everyone in a grand mood.
Why do we get excited about resolutions? My mom taught me something about acceptance last year that really struck a cord. She said, that we need to stop judging people for their faults and shortcomings; whether intentional or unintentional, because at the end of the day we all just want to be good people. Not one of us wakes into existence with the intention of being bad. We all want to be loved and accepted. Life may lead us to endure moments of selfishness or make decisions that hurts others because it solely benefits ourselves. But at the end of the day we all just want to be good people. We are not perfect. We are human and we will make mistakes. Share nothing but kindness...
So here’s to kick starting the next 11 months on my journey to perfection. I’m kidding… My journey taking baby steps to being the best version of me for me.
Because in this life, in our world full of harshness and hate, I just want to be a good person.
Can ya feel me?
I would love to hear your thoughts on how your responsibilities being an "adult", mother or business owner has affected your own personal or spiritual goals? In the end, are happiness and love all that really matter?
Share your reflections below.